Abe goes to see his Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong, Abe?"

Abe replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi was very surprised by this and asks, "How can that be?"

Abe then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls Abe and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

Abe anxiously says, "Yes."

"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

I have this friend Joanne. She used to smoke. It was really bothering her and she had some other health issues so I decided to step in and try to give her some help. I made a call to the local pharmacy and had some of those Commit Lozenges delivered. They're the the ones that contain all that nicotine and you 're supposed to take less and less over time till you're free of it. Well, it started out great. Joanne started with about 6/day and immediately ceased smoking. She worked her way down and the last time we really talked about it she was down to about one per day. So, I thought that was great. Joanne said her desire to actually smoke was gone. Well, I sat there patting myself on the back for awhile and felt pretty good about doing a good deed. That was, oh, about five years ago. Today, she was over feeding my dog and we were laughing and then she left. I got a call about 20 minutes later.

"Liz, hi, it's Joanne. Listen, could you do me a favor? When I was over by the dog's dishes I think I dropped a left-over sliver of a Commit Lozenge on the floor in or around the dog's dish."

"OK," I answered, "And...you want me to look for it?"

"Yea," she said, "I need it back. I need it."

"Let me understand this," I said, "You want me to look around the dog's dish and if I find it in it or around it you want me to actually pick it up and save it for you? Then when you get it you will actually put this in your mouth because you 'need it'?"

"Yea," she said, "That sounds pretty bad doesn't it? But look anyway."

Joanne is back up to about 6/day. She's been doing this for about 5 years. This is when I realized that those clever people in the pharmaceutical companies were actually creating an addiction bridge from cigarettes to lozenges and gum. No wonder you don't see smokers protesting all the restrictions put on them from restaurants and corporations. They are just taking it in a different form and the pharmaceuticals are getting rich. Everybody wins! Except the addicts.

In case you're wondering, I did not find it. (I mean really, even if I did...) Further, I already looked up the stock ticker on the Nicorette products and its GSK. Because the nicorette products are mixed in with all their other offerings it doesn't really make a difference in the general stock price.

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin , Texas woman sent to
Proctor and Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph.  
This was PC Magazine's 2007 Editors' Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail. 

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for
over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of
running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm
guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now.
As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through
my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America
is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings
me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of
cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
 



Are you kidding me right now? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to
end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I
have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though
I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss
your brand of condescending Crappy Messages. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . ..

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
 
 
 

Spent the last two weeks of summer torturing myself making pop-up bar mitzvah invitations.

I'm a big knitter and since wii fit I've seen lots of my friends taking over their kids video games. Could virtual knitting be next?

This one's not mine but I love it.

More Bailout Graphic Arts!! I drew this one about the 700 billion dollar man in charge of the Government Bailout, Neel Kashkari, while visiting someone in the hospital all day. How about that 900+ increase in the Dow today! Hooray! Hooray for Morgan Stanley! Hooray, I didn't have to draw Palin today!!

Due to popular demand, I put this bailout art on a t-shirt! click to go to the link!

Actually had someone get angry about this one. I thought the cartoon was kinda cute.

I used this for one of my ads for my portrait illustration business.

Click to Play the Ask Bernie Game!!

Women everywhere are celebrating those toned abs.